Angry

I am feeling lost and angry right now. I am begging for prayers. I am still blindly searching and feel very close to giving up and walking away.
Our van is toast. We got a call from the repair shop and they told us it is time to put the van to rest. It needs a new engine.
We have been working on getting ourselves back on our feet. Our credit stinks. We can't get a loan for a new car.
On top of that, as we were walking out the door pick up the broken van I received another bill. That demands attention asap.

We are TRYING. What else can I do!? Seriously.
I lost it on my way home from the dealership.
Full on hystrical sobbing.
I am away from my children 11 hours a day working. So we can make good on our debt and all this stuff keeps popping up!?
What am I suppose to be doing diffrently? What am I supposed to be learning.
I have clung to God over the past several years. Trusting he was guiding me. I thought I was working on doing what I was supposed to.
I am just so angry right now.
So defeated.

Pray for me.

Please pray for me.